As the first course in my Masters program comes to an end I reflect on my journey thus far as well as what I have to expect moving forward. Going into this I was not sure whether or not it was the right time to be starting graduate school. The school year ended, I decided I would not be returning, and my wife and I have our first child due at the end of October. There has not been a “good time” to start though since I graduated college so why did now seem right?
There are a couple of factors that led my decision to start working towards my Masters. The first is that I cannot see a better time in the foreseeable future. With a baby on the way it will only get more difficult. School is out and I continue to get paid through August so financially there is a little bit of a cushion. Also, the injury that I incurred during my time working in the oil fields has required two surgeries and a lot of physical therapy. This means that I have been receiving worker’s compensation for the injury and while not permanent, it has helped and will continue to do so until I reach Maximum Medical Improvement (MMI).
The other main factor for making this life-changing decision was the death of my father. He knew that this has always been a life goal of mine and in some ways, it became a goal for him as well. While he was alive I always had the fear that I would not be able to make him proud despite how often he told me otherwise. Now, every morning I wake up and put on his cross before I go about my day hoping that he will guide me and I can do my best to make him proud.
I do get nervous though, that moving forward I will not be able to properly balance school and supporting my family. I will continue to do my best to reach this level of balance and at the same time, know my limits and when I need to take a step back. With our child being expected at the end of October I know that I will be taking November off. Not only do I want to ensure I do well but more importantly, I want to be able to enjoy the birth of our first child and learn everything that comes with being a dad myself. If I can not take the time to do that, then I am doing something wrong and need to reevaluate my priorities in life.
Something that also continues to get me through is an image that I had designed when I was younger. My cousin Kimberly had died in a car accident in which the driver was the only one that survived. I will never forget my mom’s scream when she got the call, or the devastation my closest cousin felt from losing his sister. Everyone experiences loss and I realize that, but the effect that her death had upon my family was incredible. Not only that, but the last memory that I have of Kimmy was her trying to give me a hug and I giggled and ran away. I loved her and was little; I had no idea that that would be the last time I saw her.
Growing up I was extremely religious, and I still hold many of those values close to me today. I am not sure when it came to me but I knew that I wanted something that would define me in a way. I do know what prompted me to actually create the image though. My childhood was not a bad one by any means, except for school. I was bullied from the third grade throughout eight and even into high school a little. My escape, was the ocean.
Every summer we would go out to Montauk, New York where my family had a beach house. There I would surf and lifeguard, spending as much time at the beach and in the water as possible. Once I started surfing, I was hooked and nothing could match that feeling. Every summer I saved up and bought a new board, it was something that I looked forward to and constantly thought about. One year, I decided that I would have a custom board made for me and for that, I needed an image. While I am creative, I am not very gifted when it comes to drawing so I recruited my friend Scott. I told him exactly what I wanted and made some sketches for him as a guide. He completed it on rice paper which then became part of my board. In college, I wanted the image in a form that I could use for whatever I wanted and so my other friend digitally rendered it for me.
There are four elements to this image, each relevant to my life in its own way:
- a heart, a symbol of hope that things will always work out
- a cross, representing my faith in God that has gotten me through so much
- an anchor, life without charity is one not truly fulfilled and it helps ground me
- a butterfly, the symbol of my cousin Kim, reminding me constantly that life is not permanent and to live everyday like it could be the last for me or the ones I love
John Yula's Mastery Journal 